Hair Salons

Hair's the thing to know when hiring a new stylist

Published: Saturday, 07 April 2007 23:11:50
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a charity that accepts donated hair and makes it into wigs for children with cancer. I know this because I have waist-length hair, and people ask me if I would like to cut it off and send it to this charity.

In particular, my stylist has taken to asking me this every time I come in. I am considering changing stylists, though other women with long hair have told me they have had the same experience elsewhere.

I prefer to handle my charitable giving privately, and in a currency other than my own hair. Whenever I get this request, I feel as though my response is equivalent to saying that I don't care about dying children. It is awkward and becomes more so when people repeat the request every time we meet, or try to talk me into it, or add sad stories about children with cancer. (I notice that none of the requesters seem to be shipping off their computer, their TV or their car to a sick child who would appreciate it, though they are always quick to say that if they had hair like mine, they wouldn't think twice about donating it.)

Is there any graceful way to respond that will put a stop to this? If not, is there any graceful way to tell my stylist that he is losing my business, and to ask a potential new one if I can expect different treatment at their shop?

GENTLE READER: Have you considered asking your stylist for a kidney?

Well, no, that would not meet your requirement of being graceful. And Miss Manners supposes it would not be effective, either, as he is likely to miss the point about the audaciousness of his request under such circumstances, and argue that hair can be grown back.

So you must tell him outright: "I'm sorry, but I can't trust my hair to someone who keeps wanting to cut it off." By no means should you feel embarrassed to choose your own charities, as thoughtful philanthropists do, and to keep your choices private.

Unless he apologizes and retreats, you will have to find another stylist. You can begin with that one by explaining why you left your current one.

. . .

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other evening after a few cocktails, I impulsively invited a gentleman to a dinner party being held by my mother. Later, I realized the mix of guests would probably not be a good one, and it would be an unexpected surprise for my mother. How do I take back the invitation without hurting the gentleman's feelings?

GENTLE READER: Normally you can't, but here you have someone to blame. After all, what are mothers for?

Miss Manners imagines that yours would rather you said, "I'm so sorry -- my mother thought she had an extra place but didn't, and would like to meet you another time" than announce that the invitation is void because you were tipsy when you made it.

. . .

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cell phone is my only phone line, and I have taken to treating it as I would a landline. That is, when I am not at home, I regularly turn it off or choose not to answer it.

This past weekend, my fiancé's parents were in town, and I spent Saturday and Sunday showing them around our city. I noticed that a friend phoned several times, but since there was no emergency (her voice message said she was just calling "to chat"), I did not pick up. I thought doing so would be rude to my future in-laws. I was planning to return her call tonight.

Today I received an angry e-mail from my friend. She knows that I carry my cell phone at all times, and thus did not think there could have been any justifiable reason why I would not pick up her call. When I explained the in-law situation, she said I could have simply stepped away from the group for a moment to answer the phone and set up another time to talk.

This seems ridiculous to me. If it were 10 years ago and I had no cell phone, I wouldn't have even known my friend was phoning, much less been forced to speak to her right away. Are there new rules with cell phones? This isn't the first time a friend has gotten angry for not being able to get in immediate contact and I'm starting to feel guilty. What can I say the next time it happens?

GENTLE READER: Do you remember the early days of the landline answering machine? It seems laughable now, but huge numbers of people had worked themselves up into believing that it was the height of rudeness to own such an instrument. How dare anyone not live at the beck and call of whoever wanted to summon him?

Soon everybody had them. It turns out that no one wants to live that way -- although everyone wants to find other people instantly available.

As Miss Manners recalls, we had a few moments of peace there before the cellular telephone came along to create the same hostility and the same expectations.

You friends will get over it. They can leave voice messages, text messages and send photographs of themselves with pleading faces, but they should not persuade you that it is ruder to ignore them than to ignore the people who are actually there in front of you.

. . .

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are invited to a 50th birthday party of a casual friend. The invitation asks that we spend at least a minute on a microphone and tell him what we like about him, and to shower him with kind words. We are very offended by this request; what do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: That you duck when you see the microphone coming your way, or you merely say that you want to congratulate the guest of honor and wish him the best.

Miss Manners would have thought that obviously coerced flattery would be embarrassing to him. In any case, you are not obliged to fill the assigned allotment of airtime.

Look for Miss Manners on The Back Page of Saturday's Home & Garden section. Write her at Miss Manners, United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, NY 10016 or e-mail her at MissManners@unitedmedia.com.

Source: Richmond Times-Dispatch